When Life Feels Empty: Find Peace in Jesus

Walking Through a Life Marked by Loss

Loss has been my near constant companion for as long as I can remember. I moved through multiple schools growing up; nine schools to be exact. I was an incredibly shy kid and did not make friends easily. I made a few friends through the years sporadically, but I always held people far from my heart. I figured out at a very early age that it was easier on my heart to keep my distance than to get attached to people.

Childhood Friendships and Early Goodbyes

Around age 8, we moved to a little community in Oak Hill, Ohio. There, I met

a couple that loved me as their own. They were our neighbors and had no children at the time. Bob and Krystal were my new best friends. They took me fishing, the flea market, and the zoo among other places. I went everywhere with them. They treated me like a princess. Then a few short months later, we moved again. I was still able to visit them, but much less frequently. 

Then 1992 rolled around. I lost my grandpa, my mom’s dad. I remember standing at the casket, not fully understanding what was going on. People were crying, mom asked me if I was ok, and I just nodded yes. I closed my heart off to the pain as I had learned to do through the years and drifted off to a corner and watched people move about. 

Marriage, Motherhood, and Heartbreak

I met my husband at 15 and married at 16. I know, we were both super young. I had my first two daughters at age 18 and 20. Then around age 22, I had a miscarriage. It was an unplanned pregnancy and I was unaware I was pregnant until that moment. I had no idea how much this loss would affect me. I went into a deep depression. One of the biggest things I struggled with was people not understanding how I could be so upset with losing something I never knew existed. That something was/is not a something, but a someone to me. A life that my body carried and prepared for, for several months, was suddenly gone. Not knowing prior did not change the fact that I was still a mom who lost a child. The pain of this loss hit me deep and extremely hard. 

A Family Scattered and a Father Lost

I was essentially an only child growing up, though I have four other siblings. I have two older brothers and a set of twin sisters. My brothers lived with my dad and my sisters lived with my grandma. I spent most summers and vacations at my grandma’s with my sisters, but rarely saw my brothers except for in passing. I did not meet my dad until I was 13. I lost him to suicide in June of 2003. He was a rough man, but from the moment I met him, he treated me like a princess. He called me his baby girl.  Oh, how I miss hearing those words. He introduced me to his side of the family who doted on me as much, if not more, than he did, but I struggled to let these newfound people close to my heart. 

A Year of Unimaginable Loss

2003 turned out to be a year unlike anything I had ever experienced. Within a few short months, death stole more of my heart. I lost my dad and both his parents within a few months of each other. This new family tried to console me. My aunts, Mandy and Kay, especially so; but it's hard to open your heart to others when it feels like loss is constantly waiting to come in like a rushing river. 

Faith That Heals: Jesus in the Midst of Sorrow

I view loss so much differently now then I did then. Walking through life knowing Jesus is right by my side gives a peace that passes our human understanding. Quite honestly, I can’t imagine how I ever did life without Him, and it is only by His grace and the prayers of others that I got through these losses and others in one piece. 

Finding Peace in the Presence of Jesus

My life has been riddled with loss, even today, but Jesus always makes a way where I see no way. We all face tragedy, but it is who we face that tragedy with that matters. Find peace in Jesus.

Friend, look up to heaven. You are not alone. Jesus is only a breath away at all times. Don’t let loss trap you as it did me. Don’t let your heart hold others away as I did. I still struggle with this today, but then I give it to Jesus. There is no use hiding it, He already knows our pain and has the perfect balm to cover our hurt with. Let Jesus give you the peace that only comes in His presence. Hold to the hem of His garment and let healing flow from the Master.

If this post spoke to your heart and you’d like to press deeper in your prayer life, I’d love to invite you to explore Book one of my devotional series, His Name Is Jesus. It was written through the trials and struggles God used to shape my journey of prayer. May its words draw you closer to Him and remind you that everything God touches becomes beautiful.

His Name Is Jesus