The Unnecessary Months of Loneliness: Finding God’s Purpose in Seasons of Silence

Friend, you did not stumble into this moment accidentally. God has allowed this season for a reason. It may seem completely random but I assure you God is always at work in His children's lives. It is often during seasons that don’t make sense that God is doing a great work to make us more like Him. 

When Loneliness May Be a Test from God

As I look back through the pages of my mind, I am reminded of a time in my life filled with great loneliness. During this time, God was working something beautiful. Though I could not see it then, I see it fully now.

In the months following accepting Jesus as my Saviour, I was met with a loneliness like I had never experienced before. It was a weird kind of loneliness. There were times I was surrounded by people, yet felt like I was the only one in the room.

The Quiet Conviction That Changed Everything

One of those times I was at home enjoying an evening with my husband and girls. The evening was going as usual; we had finished dinner and had settled down to watch TV as we often did. 

Most evenings started the same: my husband would start our show, the girls would  bicker over toys, and I would tell them to quiet down or go to their room. Pretty much like clockwork every day. 

The Quiet Conviction That Changed Everything

What I didn’t know was that this evening would be different. Our favorite show began to play, the girls scurried off to their room, and as soon as the intro music started, I felt overwhelmingly convicted. I knew this feeling well. It was the same feeling I felt when God pressed my heart to come to Him. I knew at that moment I could not watch that show any more. 

Learning to Let Go of the Things That Separate Us from God

Letting go of this show should not be difficult for a child of God, you may say. After all, I had the Holy Spirit guiding my heart. However, the devil knows exactly where to strike to cause us to doubt God. God’s children still have free will to listen to His voice or close our ears to His call. 

You see, my husband was not saved. He was very respectful to my choice to serve God as long as it didn’t interfere with his life choices. I knew this new revelation was not going to go over well with him because it was his favorite show. I would like to say that I was brave, was faithful to God, and told him immediately. That is not the case unfortunately. 

The Cost of Disobedience and the Blessings of Obedience

It took me months with God pressing on my heart, more and more each day, to work up the nerve to tell him. What started as one show turned into movies, music, people, books, and so much more as the months passed. To say my husband was not pleased was an understatement. 

I have heard people say God forgives our disobedience. Yes, He does when we come to Him with a truly repentant heart, but we must also weigh the cost of that disobedience. I can tell you from experience the blessings we forfeit during these times of rebellion are worth far more than the disappointment and backlash we may receive from humanity. 

A Lesson in Faith: When I Finally Stepped Out in Obedience

If I had gone to my husband when God first pricked my heart on the matter, I would have been going to him with God leading the way. Instead, after months of disobedience, I went to him in a heart of desperation fueled by my flesh. I knew God wanted this stuff out of my life. I had fought God’s gentle nudging for months and, with diarrhea of the mouth, I spewed everything God had been working on in me out on him in one afternoon. Big, unfair mistake.

For months I had sat next to my husband trying my best to pray my way through these shows and not hear the cursing and filth riddled hours each day. I was present, but felt so alone. I wanted so badly to be real with my husband; but instead, I did what I could to ease the ache in my heart. It took me months to realize that I was sitting in a loneliness that I had created for myself. A loneliness that would have never come if I had been obedient to God’s call to begin with and told my husband the truth.

How Fear Keeps Us from Obeying God’s Call

The devil hit me with the same fear he hit me with the day I got saved. I ran from God then, and I ran from Him again. I wish I could say this was the last time he used this fear against me, but it's not. 

Friend, Don’t Stay in the Loneliness God Never Meant for You

Friend, are you in a place like this today? Please don’t stay here one second longer. God has so much more for you: so many blessings you can't see in this place. Don’t let the devil have one more minute in your mind! When I stepped out in faith and told my husband, my life didn’t instantly become perfect; but through that measure of faith, God began to work in my unsaved husband's heart. His respect for me grew even more and, though he still did things I didn’t approve of, he very rarely pushed them on me going forward. 

God’s Grace Covers the Mistakes That Delay Our Obedience

There are so many things I wish I could go back and do differently, but I'm so thankful for God’s forgiveness and never-ending grace to see us through the mistakes we make.  

If this post spoke to your heart and you’d like to press deeper in your prayer life, I’d love to invite you to explore Book one of my devotional series, His Name Is Jesus. It was written through the trials and struggles God used to shape my journey of prayer. May its words draw you closer to Him and remind you that everything God touches becomes beautiful.

His Name Is Jesus